Preparing the soil

I've been doing some reflecting on the meetings that we held last weekend and whether or not they were "successful." If I use the attendance figure, it was absolutely the most dismal failure. We had one other church member for two of the nights; and on the first night another couple, one a member and the other not. Due to travel and business reasons, that's all we had.

One part of my thinking goes along and thinks that if I'd been more aggressive and done a better job at marketing, we might have had better attendance.

I still believe that God led me to host the meetings. And upon reflection, I don't see the meetings as failures. Am I deluded? Am I just trying to rationalize my delusions?

Here are some reasons I think it wasn't a failure.

• I learned quite a bit from watching and listening to the presentations. Because I watched during the recording as well as during the meeting time, I got to see and listen to each one twice.
• I brought the tapes home so that Elise and the kids could watch the ones that they had missed. Even Amy has admitted that these presentations were not boring. So these messages will help our whole family gain strength in our confidence that God really does exist and is a loving God.
• Even though the ones who attended didn't get to see all of the messages, the tapes can be shown later.
• Even though these meetings were billed as "seed sowing" events, maybe the soil here isn't ready to be planted. Maybe the flyers and ads were merely cultivating tools this time around. It may be that the soil still needs a lot more preparation before God will even allow seeds to be planted. I don't know.

I have to admit that I was disappointed after the first night at the lack of turnout. But as I worked through this in my conversations with God, I came to believe that there is no effort wasted when I am simply following where God is leading. I believe that my prayers that God would work through these meetings was answered. God is directing the answers, but I am not privileged to see it at this time.

Am I deluding myself, rationalizing, to try to make myself feel better? Perhaps. But if that is so, why am I so much at peace with the results? Why is my confidence in my God and how he chooses to work through us just as strong as ever?