Feedback is all the information I have about me. It can be formal or informal. It can come from anywhere and anyone. It's the little signals that come from relationships that you have with the world.
People struggle with feedback conversations. But feedback is critical for diagnosing problems and moving groups to better effectiveness.
The receiver is in charge. They are the ones who decide and choose what to hear and let in. The problem of feedback is not in the giving but in the receiving. We need to learn how to receive feedback and learn from it, even when it is poorly delivered or not entirely accurate.
Giving and receiving feedback involves relationship risk.
Feedback can feel good when it helps us see progress. We want to see that.
We have difficulty with receiving feedback because we have a need to be accepted the way we are.
Three kinds of feedback.
1. Evaluation - comparison against expectations.
2. Coaching - help to get better, to learn.
3. Appreciation - expressions of personal value.
Problem 1: Appreciation is often lacking.
Problem 2: Coaching and evaluation are commingled. So neither are effective.
Getting better at receiving feedback doesn't mean you have to accept all feedback.
Three feedback triggers—what affects how open we are to feedback and how we react to it:
1. Truth triggers
2. Relationship triggers
3. Identity triggers
Three skills in getting better at receiving feedback:
1. Not doing anything – take time to process what the giver really means. Feedback may be about something entirely different from the literal words of the feedback.
2. See yourself clearly and accurately. Realize that people see things in you that you don't see – blind spots. You don't hear things that are said about you behind your back.
3. Enlist a friend to help. Have the friends honestly show you which parts of the feedback are true.
The fastest way to change feedback culture is for leaders to become better receivers.
Terrible question: so… do you have any feedback for me?
Instead, two questions:
1. What's one thing you appreciate?
2. What's one thing I'm doing that you would like to see changed?
This is Jesus' model: he accepts us just as we are. But he desires that we need transformed into someone better.
Love each other, counsel and admonish each other, forgive one another – as I (Jesus) have.
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