Finishing up another week

But not quite. One more day to go. Once I get past the first half of tomorrow, I can take a little break -- maybe.

For different reasons, this week seemed more difficult and troubling than ones in more recent memory. The last time my psychological state was in this somewhat brooding, downward mode was a couple of months ago.

A number of somewhat negative data have all converged this week, so that even though I wasn't as busy as I was last week, this week just seemed much tougher, mentally and emotionally.

For instance, the transit and bureaucracy needed for Elise's paperwork to travel through before she can start working for pay is expected to be another six or so weeks. The good news is that we now have a more definite end point. The bad news is that we had hoped the end to have come by now. So our cashflow situation will continue to be severely negative for another couple of months.

That compounded with having to lower the asking price on our Oregon property again last week, followed by additional, unplanned, marketing costs (interior staging and spring exterior cleanup) that we have to absorb adds to my anxiety and frustration -- neither very constructive to my mental and emotional well being. Neither does this help our cashflow problems...

I also learned this week about some troubling, unresolved issues within the church. So that adds more on top of everything else. The experiences I've gone through during the last ten years have been valuable training in ways I would never have imagined.

Finally as I was finishing up tomorrow's sermon, I felt my words and efforts seeming so inadequate to the task. All through the week though, I saw little signals here and there that gave me confidence that both the theme and the approach were right, but today, it just hasn't felt right. I've re-read the sermon, adjusted a few things here and there, but overall I can't do any more. Maybe what I'm feeling now is just a reminder that it's not my words or my cleverness that touches hearts. I need to rely on the Holy Spirit. I'm just a tool.

Lately I've been letting God know that it's okay if he pauses faith-growing activities in my life for a little while. I'd like to coast along on a plateau for a little while. You know, just let me spin along for a while until I catch my breath and recover a bit. So far though, God isn't granting me my request.