Change of Seasons

I look at the calendar and notice that the beginning of Autumn, according to the solar cycle, is a week away. But I can feel the autumn chill in the air today, here in Southeast Alaska, with rain dripping down and forecasts telling me to be on watch for heavy rains and strong winds later today and tomorrow.

Some (many, I’m led to believe) people loathe the end of summer. It signals shorter daylight hours, cooler temperatures leading into cold ones, and frequently more clouds and less sunshine. Summer connotes play and care-free, at least in minds, if not in actual living. Summer evokes warmth and happiness. On the other hand autumn signals the beginning of an end – of the year but metaphorically a death with the death and decay of plants and leaves. Autumn and winter, with its grayness can be sad and depressing.

I’m the other way – one of the rare ones, or so I’m told. I don’t much care for summer and all the brightness and cheer. I like the melancholy and quiet of darkness. I like the calm that settles outside as people disappear from public and remain in their homes. I feel more virtuous in going outside when others seek shelter from the elements. I welcome autumn and winter.

Seasonal changes can have physical and psychological effects on people. The change in light, temperature, air pressure, and humidity can affect how a person feels, in body and in mind.

Most of us tend to avoid change. We prefer stability and predictability. But seasons change and so do our lives. Some of us are more open to it. But there are some that resist it with every fiber of their being, having to be dragged into it.

Children and younger people, I think, are more open and accepting of change. That’s all they know. But as we grow older, we get settled and we get comfortable. We might not like everything about how things are, but we begin to look upon change, any change, with fear and suspicion. Change only happens begrudgingly. Some of us are more prone to it, because of earlier experiences, and due to our personality and temperaments.

I don’t want to be the kind of person that automatically resists change. I’ve known and experienced far too many people who do. It’s hard on others who have to deal with that kind of person.

I’m going through a season of life change. In a few days our home will be empty-nested for the first time as both our daughters will be out on their own simultaneously, for the first time ever. I’ve had more than a few nights of worry and anxiety during the past couple of months in particular. Yes, the older one was away at college for a few years, but she stayed home last year while the younger one went away for her first year.

For around two decades, our kids have been “our kids.” I had at least the illusion that I could keep them safe and secure. But as they go out on their own, the realization is hitting that they really are their own persons and that any illusion and fantasy that I had of them being forever in my bubble, is broken.

I want to hold on to what I know and what I’ve been comfortable with. But I know change is inevitable. I know that if I don’t practice accepting change, I’ll become the kind of person that I don’t want to be. I don’t want to become stubborn and unmoving as seasons change in my life. A few more decades down the line, I don’t want my resistance to end up a burden to my daughters and others around me.

When facing fear and anxiety my inclination is to become psychologically paralyzed. My preference is to isolate myself, binge on TV, stay in bed, etc. But I know from experience that that will only send me down a far worse path.

So I choose to accept changes as they come. I may never come to the point of welcoming them, but I choose to not resist. I will practice acceptance today in order to remain flexible in how I approach and encounter seasons as they change in the future. I choose to live life actively, rather than watch as a spectator, complaining about what I’m seeing.